Pia Besmonte

is back

“The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Never let anxiety keep you from failing.

Fail today.

Keep going.

Succeed someday.

We’re the BLGs

It started with a question, the beginning of a lifelong conversation.

The day after New Year’s, we welcomed our dearest family and friends into the love story God is writing of us and for us.

It is a moment of triumph: to find Home in the half of one’s soul.

Here are some female links

I lost NaNoWriMo, but the challenge to write everyday led me to my next writing project. For now, here are some female links:

My opinion is that we can’t use the master’s tools. At the end of the day the artist’s intention is lost in perception, and it will still be put through the male gaze. But these artists are so good they’re changing my mind.

  • And lastly, this study on motherhood regret struck a chord with me. I need more time to digest the insights before I express them. After all, I have yet to write a story of birth.


From California, Happy Thanksgiving

This is the first moment I get to sit down and have some personal writing time after we left home. I am taking this opportunity to talk about family, oral traditions, and stories. From California, happy Thanksgiving.

I have been away from home for more than a week now. Traveling with an infant came with challenges, but Mango was a great travel buddy. There were less incidents than I had anticipated. The most stressful part of our travel was hearing from Auntie Zenai, who had to travel on a different flight from us. She had to go through Immigration by herself. Auntie did great and she is with us now. Enjoying huge vegetables.

Because our flights to the US were moved but our flights to LA weren’t, we had to fly right after we got here. Dexter’s dad and stepmom wanted to take us to Disneyland, or even Legoland. However, because Mango was recovering from sickness and traveling everywhere for the first time we asked to just take it easy. They rented a house in Carlsbad and we had a wonderful staycation.

They took us to Redondo Beach again, to show Auntie around. I am no foodie but I profess my love to crab from Captain Kidd’s. Dexter’s dad took us to the arcade, and admittedly I enjoyed my first time actually playing at an arcade. I have had such a serious academic life. Having my own family is teaching me wonder and the value of play.

We are now in Fairfield, at Dexter’s mom’s place. They all adore Mango. We’re preparing food for Thanksgiving.


I have reached an age, a sense of self, a disposition in life where I can finally decide how I exist within and interact with family. I am no longer the youngest child who gets picked on by everybody. No longer the weird child whose interests doesn’t match with anybody else in the family. The outsider. The misunderstood.

I have come to accept my multitudes.

I will contribute who I am to my family. I will not try to shy away from building relationships. I will interact with difficult members of the family.

Oral traditions and incomplete narratives

Growing up in a big family means that I have always struggled with incomplete and untrue stories about me. My biggest pet peeve — and my family would ALWAYS do this to me — is hearing other people talk about me in front of me. As if I am a household chore that needs to be done. Or damaged furniture that must be fixed.

I have always resented my family never knowing how to talk to me in the way that considers my sensitivity and my appropriateness. Now I am strong enough to correct them with courageous honesty. And I now dictate how I am to be spoken to. Because of this honesty, my appreciation for and desire to hang out with family has greatly increased.

I even invite family over to my home more often than before.

So here is a life tip: if you don’t like the way your family knows you, regards you, or talks about you — change it with courageous honesty. Life will be so much more enriching when you don’t feel like family is an adversity.

From California, happy Thanksgiving.

May we all have a deeper appreciation for family. As well as a deeper knowledge of the (real) history of Thanksgiving.

We couldn’t leave

Team BLG was supposed to fly out of the country yesterday morning. There was a slight problem with Mango’s use of American passport while born in the Philippines. Essentially, he “overstayed” on a US passport without a visa.

Exit Clearance

We rushed to the Bureau of Immigration. They said we needed to get Mango an Exit Clearance. This document will exempt him from penalty for every month of life he stayed here in the Philippines since birth.

Many helped us secure this document for Mango. Our siblings gave us legal advice. Dexter’s partner walked us through the processes when he applied for his son’s documents. A family friend helped us navigate the application process.

An observation

The (government’s) system is inefficient, and therefore exploitable.

There were a lot of people there. They are foreign nationals (re-)applying for their visas in the Philippines. Not all of them speak English.

Corruption and extortion most likely happens in an agency that processes people who are not familiar with the bureaucratic complexities of the Philippine government.

As long as the system is inefficient, there will be a space to negotiate speeding up the process. A price will be named. The system is bad and gives birth to corruption.

In the U.S. if your visa expires they will deport you and pay for the plane ticket. Here in the Philippines: overstay and incur penalties, then stay a little bit longer until you are cleared to leave.

Jackie chan meme

Some links

With our flight re-scheduled, I get a little more time to rest, to write (I am currently at 8,300 words for NaNoWriMo), and to read.

The aim is not to complete NaNoWriMo

but to figure out what I want to write. I am making peace that I am not the person I was before. Life has changed me a lot in the last two years. It is not unthinkable that I am called to write different things now.

So I’m writing. Word after word. Even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if it’s not a story yet. Even if I am merely setting the stage for the courtship ritual with the Muse again.

“I have not exhausted you yet,

we still have a few poems”

(Muse, Manic Pixie Depressive Gremlin)